Help With Parenting Challenges

 

>> Introduction Our children are a joy and a constant wonder to us. But, how often are we racked by uncertainty – are we raising them right, do we really know how to be the best possible parents, how can we communicate with them on a better level? These are universal questions with no textbook answers: for each of us it is different just as each of us, parents and children, are all different as individuals. Even within the family, the approach that works for one child, doesn't necessarily work for another. MY RELATIONSHIP and MY COACH, unique, on-line, self-help applications, let you access your inner strengths and abilities, hidden in your subconscious and show you a path to improving your parenting skills and relationships with children and partner.

Parenting demands, for the most part, great effort. Why is this so?

Bringing new life into the world and the process of raising a child can be a joyful experience. However, from the moment our child is born our lives begin to change; a new factor enters our lives, affecting us for many years to come. In most cases, this effect is not an easy one. Despite there being many periods of happiness and joy, parenting demands, for the most part, great effort, involves frustrations, struggles and sometimes even sadness. Why is this so? What is it that we don't understand? Why do we have to struggle to be a parent?

The answer can be found in a firmly rooted false perception – the idea (which is still prevalent today) that the parent knows what is best for their child and how they should be brought up. However, there is one thing that we do not take into consideration – that each generation is smarter and cleverer than the preceding one.

James Flynn, a professor from New Zealand and the world's greatest expert in the research of intelligence, discovered this phenomenon after three years of research which ended in 1987. According to Flynn, the average IQ rises across the world at a constant rate from year to year. Children born in 1981 will gain an average score in intelligence tests that is 0.3 higher than that of children born in 1980, and their I.Q will be 10 points higher than that of their parents. This rise is found across the globe, in all the countries that were examined. It was found to be correct regardless of gender, race, education and income, amongst both rural and urban populations across the world.

According to Professor David Passig (A futurist and a member of the World Future Society), this gap is growing with today's children being 17% cleverer than their parents. Today, as many of us know, children often can explain to their parents things which the parents have no knowledge of. Historically, so far as we know, this situation had never existed; the adults knew more and understood better. Today, parents feel helpless and at a total dissonance when it comes to their children.

Parents see their children as a reflection of themselves and so don't want their children to repeat the same mistakes they did. They try to save them the failures that they had experienced and to provide them with their successful life experience. On the face of it, this would seem to be a good thing but, in fact, it just doesn't work. The generations of children born since 1985 are different; they are less willing to be influenced by the previous generation. Technologically, the world is far more advanced. The Internet enables them to access information that is, in many cases, contradictory to what their parents believe. For this reason, this generation has begun to generate a change. Since 1995, children are born more stubborn, more self-attentive and less willing to accept their parents' messages when what they have to impart contradicts their own internal truth. This generation is smarter and knows what it wants from life, what is right for them to eat, what they want to study, with whom they want to create relationships etc. If the child's parents are not ready to accept this or even object, then the child will most likely not give in easily. In other words, it is a tenacious and generation that knows what it wants from life. Thus, each year children are born more independent, more intent on travelling their own path and less willing to listen to the older generation. Life's pace is very fast today and so is the rate of change which these children experience. They experience it in far shorter periods of time and their teachers and parents cannot provide the answers they need, as they are trying to preserve the old paradigm. This complex situation has led to one of the more widespread phenomenon amongst the new generations – attention deficit disorders.

If this is the case, how can parents today cope with a new type of parenting? How can they bridge the gap of intelligence?

To understand the answer we must first understand that that these are children different from those of the past. To understand the answer we must first realize that these children are different from those of the past. Since they are smarter and more connected to their own internal truth, we need to find new ways to approach them. One of the basic advices is not to try and force them to do things which are not acceptable to them. Instead, try to encourage them and learn why they are so insistent with regard to something specific, what is the idea that they are so intent on? They aren't stupid and there will always be a reason why they object to something.

Another point worth being aware of is that for these children, relationships with the extended family is less important than it was for previous generations. If we ask them, for example, if they want to sit down with the entire family for a meal or prefer to spend time surfing the Internet on their computer or smartphone – most will prefer the computer. Trying to fight this phenomenon will not be fruitful as these children were born with a totally different emotional viewpoint than that of the older generations. When they develop strange behaviors or desires, we should let them experience and try what they have chosen and, as parents, we should try to understand what they learn from their experience rather than be afraid of what they may suffer as a consequence. If we do not cooperate with them they will do it in secret. In short, they will not be willing to give up on their own desires.

If this is the case, what is the role of the parents in this new situation? Their role changes from generation to generation. At a basic level, the child seeks love from their parents. However, many parents don't get on with their children because of their own fears or blockages and, as a result; they fail to provide their children with enough love. If, as parents we don't involve our own frustrations, blockages and failed experiences as children in our approach to our own children, then our ability to provide the love the child seeks will be more readily available.

If we talk to them and share why we find it difficult to accept their decisions, then it's possible that together we will find the way to guide them as adults rather than parents attempting to force then to do our bidding. We need to be less the "deciders" and more the guides, the mentors, the partners in their lives. The new generations are more logical and less emotional and sentimental, therefore we need to try to be less dramatic because these scenes don't help either the parent or the child.

But we are always left with the eternal question: "Have I made the right decision or have I made a mistake resulting in me not helping my own child?" In order to be able to make decisions in a situation where humanity is undergoing such an upheaval, it is to our benefit to seek and find the answer in our subconscious rather than in our logic. Logic is knowledge based on previous experience and accumulated knowledge also gained from the experience of others. This knowledge is no longer valid in light of the changes and the new generations born and being born.

In order to help in better understanding relationships or to find solutions to conflicts and/or blockages, Gala 12 B.V has developed the My Relationship and My Coach applications which allow the parent to access the answers stored in their subconscious. Try it and see for yourself.

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